Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Tried to suck ur own penis

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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Stick ur thumb between ur first and middle finger without realizing it

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Having a dream and forgetting it seconds later.

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Fall asleep at night fantasizing about how you wish life situations would play out.

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

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Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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Realising that there are ASSHOLES posting dumb shit on this site.

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Sometimes I wipe my butt so violently that my finger goes through the toilet paper and into my butt hole. I enjoy it and question my sexuality. ;)

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Stuff 13 chips in my mouth when no one is looking, bite 1 chip in half and chew it for 30 seconds when someone is looking.

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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Look at a word and count the letters by 2's - continue counting the letters over and over by 2's until it comes out even at the end of the word.

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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Pee in the shower.

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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waking up from an amazing/awesome dream and spend the rest of the day thinking up of new senarios to come after...

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dont turn my fan up so high cause i think its going to fall and slice me to bits -jesse

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.