Hate when you finish a cup of pudding or something like that and you don’t want to get up to put the spoon in the sink so you just leave it sitting in the cup but the spoon is too tall for the cup and it falls over.

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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I think about other women when having sex

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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pinch the tip of my dick when I masturbate.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

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I really enjoy self-pity.

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Rereading a text message 25 times before you send it to make sure it makes sense.

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singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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you spread your cheeks apart when you sit on the the tolet so that your poop does not touch your cheaks

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.