Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

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get home from work and masturbate instantly

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When I am walking at night, I see a slight shadow behind me for a second, I walk faster, I see the shadow again, I think it is some kind of scary monster and then I decide to run for my life. When I get back home, I realize the shadow is my shadow.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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I chew on anything plastic. I don't think there's a pen that I haven't chewed on or a plastic cap I haven't put in my mouth. It's a horrible habit but it feels so DAMN GOOD TO CHEW!

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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When I'm trying to sleep if both my legs are under the duvet it's too warm. Both legs out it's too cold. When I have one leg out and on the duvet it's just right. I sometimes also put my leg against the wall when it's cold.

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when i take a shit and smoke i dont throw the cigar in the wc so the smoke wont come to my nose

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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repeat what you just said 2 seconds ago in a group conversation thinking no one heard you

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I sometimes deliberately missed buses and trains even if I could easily board them.

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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wipe your hands on your pants

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.