pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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Reach my hand inside the room to turn the light on before I go in.

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Instead of using the twist ties on bread, I spin the bag of bread and then tuck the flap underneath.

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud.

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smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Every time I switch pages on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com, I always end up reading If you don't see banners here, it doesn't mean they are not there.

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People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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When one of those sad sappy abused dogs commercials comes on, you change the channel really fast to prevent from crying.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Think a really Fu**ed up thought in your head, and then get mad at your brain for even coming up with it, and finally trying to think really nice thoughts to make up for it.

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When I'm bored in school I always imagine the teacher asks me something and my response is starting to sing a song. Somewhen some of my friends sing along with me. Then the whole class sings this song. We run out of classroom into the hallways and every other pupil comes out their classroom to see what's happening. Then They all sing along with me. We run out of school and sing and dance like in a musical. Then I actually remind myself, its impossible that every student knows the lyrics of the song I'm just thinking of and get depressed again.

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shag your mom

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Lie in bed at night, imagining things I want to happen in my life while trying to fall asleep.

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

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When someome asks you a question and you can't hear them so you say, "what?", then they say it again and you miss it so you just nod your head and say "yeah".

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.