when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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When I have nothing do do in Life Science I read the textbook.

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I mustn't step on the cracks in the pavement

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Sometimes I wipe my butt so violently that my finger goes through the toilet paper and into my butt hole. I enjoy it and question my sexuality. ;)

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Make hand gestures when talking on phone

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Find something you dislike about your face/body and instantly compare it with every person you meet from then on

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pinch the tip of my dick when I masturbate.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I scrape the scum off my teeth with my fingernail and then I eat it.

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

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I have mixed emotions when I drop a piece of food on the ground, like a chicken nugget, M&M, scoop of ice cream, etc - because part of me thinks it is sad because its only goal in life was to be eaten... but then the other part of me is happy for it, because it is possible that it *didn't* want to be eaten and has just made a successful escape. O_o

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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I piss in the bed every night

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.