you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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I stop the microwave at 1 second so that one someone else uses it it beeps

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waking up from an amazing/awesome dream and spend the rest of the day thinking up of new senarios to come after...

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Sometimes when im sitting in class i start thinking how i would save the whole classroom if someone was to come in with a gun and start shooting.

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Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

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I always twist my washcloth into a cone shape, so when I take my next shower it is dry and hardened. Then I pretend stab it into my stomach and say "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" before getting it wet again.

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Squeezing my cat's face back so it looks Chinese.

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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play with a laser pointer and pretend its a lightsaber

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I control water in the shower.

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I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

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when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

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when im losing an argument, ill start singing my responses

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If no one else is home and you have to go to the bathroom, but you're invested in what you're doing on your laptop, you take it with you.

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Put my hand under the pillow in bed to get orgasm

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I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

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Walking around near loud music and begin to feel like your walking to the beat.

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Pretend to listen to iPod, but actually eavesdrop on the people around me.

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Mentally preparing yourself to step on a crunchy-looking leaf, only to discover it is in fact soggy, soft and unsatisfactory.

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

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Consider selling lots of books, games or DVDs when you have too many to fit perfectly on their shelf.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.