When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Stab myself on a daily basis

thumb_up thumb_down +4

thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

thumb_up thumb_down -6

You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

thumb_up thumb_down -14

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Smoking in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

thumb_up thumb_down -66

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I scratch and sniff.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

pull out a flies wings and let it go

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.