I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.