Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.