I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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i masturbate with my feet

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.