Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.