i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.