I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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I **** with no hands.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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bounce when your tip toeing.

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.