Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

thumb_up thumb_down -51

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

thumb_up thumb_down -51

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

try to give your friends spirit animals

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

thumb_up thumb_down -69

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -83

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -109

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.