Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.