trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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i masturbate with my feet

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.