I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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I **** with no hands.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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I scratch and sniff.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.