I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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Pretending you're in a tribute band when you listen to a song.

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When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

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Moral: Damn I clicked on pointless super powers how did I get here! Moral: I wrote the "thing only I do" below :P

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Stuff 13 chips in my mouth when no one is looking, bite 1 chip in half and chew it for 30 seconds when someone is looking.

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play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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When I eat potato chips, I lick each side to make sure the really salty part is down.

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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While waiting on someone I check my phone and if there is no new message I just read old ones, just to be occupied and don't look stupid or lost

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When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

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Sometimes I wipe my butt so violently that my finger goes through the toilet paper and into my butt hole. I enjoy it and question my sexuality. ;)

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waking up from an amazing/awesome dream and spend the rest of the day thinking up of new senarios to come after...

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when something is lost you check the spot they or it should be at least 5 to 10 times

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singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

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run inside after taking out the trash because a monster might be hiding in the big trash can

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Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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As im about to fall asleep sometimes i feel like im falling and then i have a muscle spasem and wake up.

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feel special if I don't get thumbs up on my posts

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Dip my pizza crust in my soda

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.