whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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fap

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Sitting down in the shower

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.