Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.