Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.