Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Picking my nose.

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i masturbate with my feet

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.