When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I **** with no hands.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.