Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

I talk to inanimate objects daily.

Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

I have a phobia of incest

While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.