Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I **** with no hands.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.