thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Get extremly pissed off when everyone on youtube thinks that only guys use the website and call you "dude" , "bro" or "sir" when they respond to a comment you posted -_-

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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I scratch and sniff.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.