I was not born in the country I am living in now

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.