When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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I cant ride a bike

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.