Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Being fat

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.