trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Sitting down in the shower

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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I **** with no hands.

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I gotta get down of Friday

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.