Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.