I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.