cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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I cant ride a bike

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.