Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.