Ur mum

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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i masturbate with my feet

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.