Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

thumb_up thumb_down -49

fap

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Picking my nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Believing in the kindness of strangers

thumb_up thumb_down -61

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

thumb_up thumb_down -63

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

try to give your friends spirit animals

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.