I gotta get down of Friday

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Make up a song to yourself.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.