I hold my breath in elevators

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Get extremly pissed off when everyone on youtube thinks that only guys use the website and call you "dude" , "bro" or "sir" when they respond to a comment you posted -_-

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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I don't read the terms of service.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.