Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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I **** with no hands.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.