I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

I was not born in the country I am living in now

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

The older I get the more honest I get

If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.