Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.