get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.