Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

thumb_up thumb_down -61

i masturbate with my feet

thumb_up thumb_down -61

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

thumb_up thumb_down -61

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Kill Jb without getting aressted.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

thumb_up thumb_down -75

I **** with no hands.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.