Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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I cant ride a bike

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.