Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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I somtimes think about what I would o if I had a wish and I go into a lot of detail about it in my head and then realize it will never actually happen

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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coughing when your having a poo so people know that your on the loo

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.