I hold my breath in elevators

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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fap

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Being fat

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.