Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.