I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Being fat

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.