try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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I was the real Stig...

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Get scared of the dark while in bed, so you make sure all limbs are tucked nice and tight under the covers. Once done, you now feel safe..

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.