I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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When I see someones comment has alot of dislikes , I add on to it .

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.