acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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fap

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Only use the left earphone.

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Being fat

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Sitting down in the shower

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.