When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Ur mum

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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fap

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Sitting down in the shower

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.