I was not born in the country I am living in now

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

When I see someones comment has alot of dislikes , I add on to it .

Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

The older I get the more honest I get

When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.