Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

acting as if you can shoot with a banana

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

thumb_up thumb_down -29

That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

thumb_up thumb_down -37

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

thumb_up thumb_down -49

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Sitting down in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -63

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.