- Things You Think Only You Do

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

Believing in the kindness of strangers

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.