Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

I hold my breath in elevators

When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

the power to regenerate your appendix

When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

Smoking in the shower.

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.