Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Smoking in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

thumb_up thumb_down -42

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -42

After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I **** with no hands.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I scratch and sniff.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

pull out a flies wings and let it go

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.