Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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I scratch and sniff.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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Smoking in the shower.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.