Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.