Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

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Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I chew my ice cream.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.