(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Make up a song to yourself.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.