i masturbate with my feet

eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

I have autofocus in my eyes.

try to give your friends spirit animals

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

I hit the frig after sex

I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.