Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.