i masturbate with my feet

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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I hit the frig after sex

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.