(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

Make up a song to yourself.

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.