sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.