Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Be a loner at school

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.