When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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I chew my ice cream.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.