Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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fap

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.