Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

I was not born in the country I am living in now

I have a phobia of incest

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.