masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.