How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.