Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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I have a phobia of incest

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.