When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.