I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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Get extremly pissed off when everyone on youtube thinks that only guys use the website and call you "dude" , "bro" or "sir" when they respond to a comment you posted -_-

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.