I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.