Use my phone to see what time it is

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.