For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.