- Things You Think Only You Do

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

Believing in the kindness of strangers

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

try to give your friends spirit animals

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

I **** with no hands.

that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.