I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.