trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

thumb_up thumb_down -53

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

thumb_up thumb_down -61

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -63

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

thumb_up thumb_down -67

(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -131

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.