When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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The older I get the more honest I get

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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When I see someones comment has alot of dislikes , I add on to it .

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.