Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.