shag your mom

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When in long car rides I imagine a little man running or on roller skates next to the car. When A car comes he turns into a ninja and can slide under/jump over or cut the car in half.

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Fart when i'm alone RIGHT before someone walks in... try to talk over the smell...

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I Repeat my coincidental happenings..and say please don't do(x5)..

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Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

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Get creeped out at seeing 11:34 at least once per day. The number even turns up everywhere in my life such as my jewelry store.

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When I go to the bathroom I put toilet paper over my penis and pretend its a ghost

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Walking down stairs. Accidently miss last step. Feel like you're going to die.

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When I eat M&Ms, Skittles or Froot Loops, I always make sure to leave one of every color for the end so I could eat them all at once. #rainbowinmymouth

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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Laughing at a joke that you dont think is funny but everybody else does

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Whatever situation I am in, I always start to invent rhythms with everything i have around, e.g. my legs, voice, tables or sometimes even the ground.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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when going to get a drink, i accidently pull out a bowl, or plate, later realizing what i did, i put it back, and get a cup

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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When ever I touch something a certain way I have to touch it again exactly like I did the first time

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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Everytime I get in my car at night, I turn the light on and check behind the back seats to see if there's anyone waiting for me. Then lock the doors when all is safe.

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I make it sound like i'm ordering for more than one person when I'm really only getting fast food for myself.

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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I am wearing ear buds even though I'm not actually listening to anything.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.