Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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Ask someone "what" when they tell you something even though you heard them clearly

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When peeing, if I get pee on the seat I will flush the toilet before wiping it and then see if I can quickly wipe it and toss the toilet paper in the toilet before it finishes flushing.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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I walk down the stairs sideways because I'm afraid something will get me.

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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Wear hoods and sweatshirts in the middle of summer

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When I forget to brush my teeth, scrape off the plaque on my teeth with my fingernail.

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Wait 2-3 seconds with anticipation whenever a baby falls for them to cry.

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When changing the volume one my computer it has to be a multiple of 2

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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Clicking Yes to "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service" without reading one word of that stupid thing.

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I have seen one of my submissions listed under "Quotes from other sites"

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Whenever I'm throwing trash down the garbage chute or into a dumpster, I all of the sudden am terrified that I accidentally threw out a valuable ring/my cell phone with the trash.

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Sometimes when im lost in thought I twirl a piece of my bangs and stare off in a daze.

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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if someone i like or want to impress is around i change the song I'm listening to to something that i know they like or something not embarrassing, just in case they ask me what i'm listening to.

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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When the adverts come on I forget what I'm watching and so spend five minutes trying to remember.

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sometimes playing on music on your iPod you think people will like even though you're wearing headphones and nobody can hear you

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Instead of having a nasty breaking up, I just disappear.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.