I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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I'm paranoid of EVERYTHING. When I enter a room, I inspect it for cameras. When I'm in the bathroom I cover all the cameras on my iPod, Phone, etc. When I do something I'm not supposed to do on the computer (such as download music for free), I cover the webcam to assure the government can't see me. I control my thoughts 24/7 at fear that someone will read my thoughts. I have a strict feeling the someone is always watching me. I fear subliminal advertisements also. To sum everything up you could just read the first part. I DONT TRUST ANYTHING OR ANYONE! I'm Not sure if anyone else is as paranoid as I am...

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When Im bored in a house that has leafy/floral wallpaper I follow the stem with my finger all the way up to the top of the wall and then go back down again and think of a route that gets you all the way to the other side of the wall.

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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When bored in class.. I catch eyes with someone across the room and look away fast, then act "cool" for the next 10 minutes because I still think they're looking at me...

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When ever I touch something a certain way I have to touch it again exactly like I did the first time

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in my mind, traffic cones are called VLC.

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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shag your mom

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Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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Sometimes I see on the clock, the seconds needle go back 1 second and then never do that again for the rest of the day/week or whenever I'm staring at the clock for it to happen again. -Mike

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

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Write things on this site, because i cant sleep

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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Go back to the song if I don't here what they sang Kay

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Always look down at the floor or avoiding any kind of eye contact when your getting told off for something really bad

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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On YouTube, if someone comments a time in the video (or in the description) I always click it for fun, even if it doesn't work. Like if someone comments "it's 4:12 right now" on a 2 minute video I click the link.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.