I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

thumb_up thumb_down -61

when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Forgetting the same word over and over again and having a spaz attack when you can't remember it for more than a couple of seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I use my phone's auto-correct to make sure the words I'm writing are correct.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

When you're all alone, practice for an interview you're bound to have when you're rich and famous and say other people's responses when they are asked about working with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Not sure if im holding on to fart or shit

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I always wonder if anyone has a crush on me.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Think someone's watching me so I do cool stuff to impress them just in case they are

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Have a dream that you can breath under water and wake up and be very disappointed

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I really enjoy taking a shit and dont really know why.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

In school look at the wall or something and feel like only a few seconds has gone by but really thirty minutes has

thumb_up thumb_down -22

sit on the toilet when taking a crap and play my iPod or laptop at the same time for something to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Show desktop when mom or dad walks in.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.