When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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I keep thinking a thing is about to fall from the table even though it's not close to the edge

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Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

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After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

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Accidentally make a weird noise and quickly turn around frantically to see if anyone else hear it.

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I never let anything go over the toilet when It's open.

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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When out I like to "people watch."

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hug the pillow at night so it protects me from monsters

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Takes playful flirting way to seriouse.

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Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

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Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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Every room I go into I imagine like there's one of those DVD screen savers that bounces off the walls and i try to guess when it will hist a corner perfectly

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

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Have a dream that you can breath under water and wake up and be very disappointed

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Music is ALWAYS playing in my head. I can't go a day without noticing that the whole time a song is just burned in my brain, playing over and over. Is this okay? Im pretty sure im the only one...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.