Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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when u were younger and closed the fridge door super slowly 2 c when the light turned off

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Not laughing at funny things on T.V. because nobody is around.

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Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

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when watching a movie in a big screen cinema, i unconsciously look at the bottom of the screen, midway through the movie, expecting to see a time/track/scroll bar. as if it was VLC media player.

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Every room I go into I imagine like there's one of those DVD screen savers that bounces off the walls and i try to guess when it will hist a corner perfectly

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Think of numbers as male or female.

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After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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I count how many steps it takes to cross a section of sidewalk, and will continue taking the same amount of steps until I realize it.

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When I'm waiting for someone who is late. I go-over in my head how I'm going to greet them. For example "Well, it's about damn time", or "Finally!".

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Whenever I'm doing my makeup I pretend I'm doing a makeup tutorial on Youtube.

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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Yell at game shows when the people are stupid

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Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

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Accidentally make a weird noise and quickly turn around frantically to see if anyone else hear it.

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Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

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Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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Pee in the shower.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.