Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

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Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

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I always think I have special powers

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I always cry when I pray.

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

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When out I like to "people watch."

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Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

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I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

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Say what even when u heard someone

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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Try to make a sound described in a book or text (like a gasp or a gargle)

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Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

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when watching a movie in a big screen cinema, i unconsciously look at the bottom of the screen, midway through the movie, expecting to see a time/track/scroll bar. as if it was VLC media player.

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when liking something you like or dislike something you click it twice even though you know it will only take one vote

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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when on long car rides look out the window imagineing stick figures running

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I laugh easier when im with someone

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.