get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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When someone sits with crossed legs, I notice their lifted foot throb slightly with their pulse. It is really distracting sometimes.

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Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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Wondering who would cry at your funeral

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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i don't have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service

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put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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Fart at home

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Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

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When im going from one room to the next, i try and get into the other room before the door to the last room closes. If i do, I've won.

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Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

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When my friends talk bout a show they ask did u see the one where they did this and I nod even thow I have no idea what they're talking about

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When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

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When I see someones comment has alot of dislikes , I add on to it .

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go on a diet, buy a lot of healthy food, eat it all the same day. 2 weeks later repeat.

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when your walking past a chain link fence you slide your fingers along it because it feels cool

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.