never feel sad enough after being told a sad story

i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

log off the internet then think of something and go back on

My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

outside in the dark see a face in the tree thinks its bigfoot come to get me!

I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

Sometimes I kiss my hand and pretend it's a person I like.

Takes playful flirting way to seriouse.

I always have to google the name of this website, because I always put the words in the wrong consecution.

put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

when bored, i imagine my EXACT plan for the zombie apocalypse, down to what would look cool if i was walking down a desolate street ( i am legend style) :D

I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

When you are looking over someones shoulder and they look at you thinking you are staring at them so you suddenly turn your head

Fart at home

go on a diet, buy a lot of healthy food, eat it all the same day. 2 weeks later repeat.

Pretending you don't know that much about something because other people might think it would be wierd if you did. Ex: if you you knew someone's exact birthdate and you were discussing it with some one and you where like ya he looks a little older he's probably in his mid 40s or early 50s instead of just admitting you know there exact age.

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i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

When bored, I often fold pieces of paper to make a little point and poke my fingers/hands with it.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.