- Things You Think Only You Do

Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

When im going from one room to the next, i try and get into the other room before the door to the last room closes. If i do, I've won.

I used to do almost everything an even number of times because I thought that if I didn't something bad would happen.

Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

I eat spoons of dry hot chocolate powder when nobody is around.

outside in the dark see a face in the tree thinks its bigfoot come to get me!

Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

I always think I have special powers

When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

When someone sits with crossed legs, I notice their lifted foot throb slightly with their pulse. It is really distracting sometimes.

When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

go on a diet, buy a lot of healthy food, eat it all the same day. 2 weeks later repeat.

When my friends talk bout a show they ask did u see the one where they did this and I nod even thow I have no idea what they're talking about

When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

say to my friend do you ever think that someone else is thinking the same thing that they are thinking at this moment in time and then SHYT in there mouth. Normally they gurggle it in their throat, before swallowing it and making a pedo face, and sometimes i bike naked and shit on cars with diorrea so it explodes on the windows.

I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

KICK THE CAN

when on long car rides look out the window imagineing stick figures running

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.