Count the number of letters in a word or phrase.

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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Walking down the toy isle in the store, and feeling a little sad that you're not a kid anymore.

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When I go to the bathroom I put toilet paper over my penis and pretend its a ghost

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Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

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Do a light cough when in the toilet when there isn't no lock on the door so Ur stop someone walking in!!!

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When I was a little kid and something scared me (i.e. feel like being watched when I walked through the forest in the dark) I began to sing... and then I felt somehow protected. Weird, isn`t it?

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I sometimes have bad dreams that for some reason I don't want to wake up from because I just want to see what happens next

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I put big spaces in between comments

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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I let everyone know I'm a lesbian as soon as I meet them, ('cause I wouldn't want to continue talking to someone who hates gays).

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When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

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chewing icecream before you swallow it

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

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The last meal I have before I get on a plane - I think about how it is food in one city and will be crapped out in another.

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I tuck all sides of the blanket under my body and feet then over my head and leave a fresh air hole so im in a cocoon of blanket.

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I wonder what a baby is saying when they are telling you off?

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.