When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When im in a room alone on the computer i like to put on songs and lip sync to them in the mirror with really emotional expressions..

thumb_up thumb_down -37

When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

On YouTube when I go to like a comment or a video. I click the Like button 2 or 3 times just to make sure it went through.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Try stick to something but fail in the end

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Pee in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

thumb_up thumb_down -85

After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I split my gum in half so I can chew on both sides.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

thumb_up thumb_down -61

When i feel the back of my right hand starting to itch. in a few days, i get some money. When the back of my left hand itches.Some money goes.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Not get any thumb ups on a post. Turns out there really are some things only I do...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I push the door open with my stomach

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

think about all of the things you would do if you were the only person on earth

thumb_up thumb_down +280

I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Walk around aimlessly when talking on the phone.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,823

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.