masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

thumb_up thumb_down -30

When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Look at my eyes really close in the mirror and turn the lights off, wait, and then back on just watch my pupils change size. PS: Really? No way - I could've sworn I was the only weirdo who did that!

thumb_up thumb_down +788

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

thumb_up thumb_down +423

I sometimes deliberately missed buses and trains even if I could easily board them.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

i smoke weed all day.

thumb_up thumb_down -311

I walk into a room and forget why I'm in there.

thumb_up thumb_down +291

Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When walking outside by myselff and listening to music, I mouth the words and pretend im the singer of the song in their music video.

thumb_up thumb_down +923

When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

thumb_up thumb_down -25

get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

thumb_up thumb_down -21

If no one else is home and you have to go to the bathroom, but you're invested in what you're doing on your laptop, you take it with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Say "ow" when I drop something or before I get hurt

thumb_up thumb_down +179

Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I avoid closing my eyes in the shower in case ghosts/monsters/zombies get me.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Pretend that i don't care about my birthday when i actually can't wait to see what present people will get me and get terribly excited everytime someone text me

thumb_up thumb_down +88

sneeze without closing my eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.