Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Think of numbers as male or female.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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I shove food in my face like an animal when I'm home alone instead of eating like a normal person.

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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i don't have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service

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Doing something bad, then being ashamed because you think your dead family members watch you doing it saying tsk tsk

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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When I sneeze I hold my balls ( only when Im alone)

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

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SOMETIMES I SHIT ON MY HAND.... IN THE SHOWER

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I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.