I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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I replace every word of a song with the name of my pet

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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When someone is reading something I have to read it at sonic speed in my head before they get to the end and if i dont do it in time I get angry.

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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Any time I hear someone speaking with an accent, I start mimicking that accident. –Ikka

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I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

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jack off

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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Sometimes, after I say "bye" to a person on facebook, I wait a few seconds before I log off so that it seems like I said "bye" to other people too. Because I'm just that popular.

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You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

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People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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Imagine that other people see colors different from me and if i had their brain i would see it like them

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe when showering

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.