I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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I think of who will I save if a killer come to school

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When out I like to "people watch."

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Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

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Just ocassionally stand up and pontlessly walk around the house when using the computer. Anyone?

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I like to poo while smoking.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Look at just about ANYTHING you see in the context of a zombie apocalypse. Example: strategizing escape routes and barricade points while you're walking down the hallway in school, or looking at something ordinary, like a baseball bat, and thinking, 'I could bash some zombie brains with that'

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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Look at my eyes really close in the mirror and turn the lights off, wait, and then back on just watch my pupils change size. PS: Really? No way - I could've sworn I was the only weirdo who did that!

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wondering if everyone else in the world can read your mind so you avoid thinking about specific things

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Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

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Pubic hair wishes... While on the toilet you try to pull out a hair... If it comes out close your eyes and make a wish....and throw it into the toilet... Flush... Repeat!

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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I seriously contemplate what my theme song would be. I imagine it would have no words and a slight Mission Impossible influence.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.