stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

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Liking the smell of your fart and Poo and denying it to people.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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When I go up the stairs, I always have to end on my right foot. If I have to, I will even hop on one foot on the last stair in order to land on it.

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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I poke myself in the eye with a needle every Thursday.

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turn off the alarm clock one minute before its goes off when you wake up in the morning

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Receiving or finding something cool in your dream, then waking up thinking you have it and realize you don't.

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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I eat ass

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.