Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

thumb_up thumb_down +49

When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I imagine myself dying in the worst possible way more than once a day. I don't know...today, I was driving on a bridge and all I could picture was it collapsing and falling onto me, When I'm lying in bed, I imagine my ceiling fan toppling me.

thumb_up thumb_down +279

I click my teeth to music

thumb_up thumb_down +242

Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Forgetting the same word over and over again and having a spaz attack when you can't remember it for more than a couple of seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

When i play a video game and make some stupid noobish action including suiciding or playing in a lame way, i make sure that if somehow someone sees my screen, he/she notices why i do so.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Your mom. Just kidding everyone does her.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When I'm laying in bed, I make sure that my feet are covered and not hanging off the edge so that monsters don't eat them in my sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +194

When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I talk to myself when I'm alone

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Stalk boyfriend's facebook, go to everything he's commented on, and comment too.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Hate when you finish a cup of pudding or something like that and you don’t want to get up to put the spoon in the sink so you just leave it sitting in the cup but the spoon is too tall for the cup and it falls over.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I wonder what a baby is saying when they are telling you off?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Sometimes I unintentionally mouth the words being spoken on TV.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.