Pee in my work garbage can.

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When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

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When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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whale sperm

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

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arrange certain social situations with attractive girls just to make spank bank deposits.

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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Wondering where are famous people and what they are doing at this exact moment.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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When I get a worksheet or a piece of paper with BIG TITLES I immediately shade in all of the gaps in the o's, p's, d's and all other 'hole letters'. And then I start shading in all the words when I finish.

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At the gym, I always try to do 5 pounds more than the previous person.

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Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.