when no one is home I grab my sisters boobs she has big ones I mean it.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

thumb_up thumb_down -72

When I'm at the checkout and paying with my card, I try to put my PIN in the card machine before the cashier has a chance to tell me to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

thumb_up thumb_down -27

watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

thumb_up thumb_down -63

When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

thumb_up thumb_down -66

when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Having to step on snails to hear the crunch

thumb_up thumb_down +53

listen to madonnas new album

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I really enjoy self-pity.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

thumb_up thumb_down -64

I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Closing your eyes and covering your ears when you think someone is going to throw up.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Clicking the thumbs up or down when two of the submissions have the same number of thumbs up and think i'm the chosen one.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

I'm 30, but to this day I still have fantasies about rescuing the girl that I'm secretly in love with from a dangerous situation. The fantasies get increasingly ridiculous, sometimes they even involve superhero stuff. It's as if my own mind was trying to let me know that I should grow the f*** up.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.