Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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wondering if everyone else in the world can read your mind so you avoid thinking about specific things

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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whenever im getting a haircut, i feel as if the barber can see my embarrassing and private thoughts.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I have the background on my computer a picture of some cartoon characters,and when I'm alone I talk to the screen like those characters are actually in the room. -Briarwoodninja

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In school trying to do a small fart because it really hurting and suddnly a earthquake happens

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Look at my poop before flushing

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Secretly think that Flo from the Progressive commercials is bangable.

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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I sit in a chair upside down and pretend like i'm walking on the ceiling.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.