When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

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Create the perfect song/poem/philosophical theory/scientific discovery right before you fall asleep and forget it in the morning.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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See someone thats so hot all you can think about is seeing them naked all day.

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

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Promise to save money then spends all of it anyway.

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.