I can't piss with my shoes on.

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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Moving my bottom jaw around slightly makes me feel like I have dog-like ears and I'm moving them around.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Instead of having a nasty breaking up, I just disappear.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Laugh harder when trying to explain what you are laughing about

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get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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I can't stop watching ST:DS9, (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) It's so awesome, but then I just, (the same thing happens with whatever T.V. show i watch) GET COMPLETELY OBSESSED with it.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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Looking up 'How to tell if your crush likes you' to get assurance that he/she loves you

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Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.