play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Sometimes when I touch something I have to touch all of the object and with both hands, otherwise I feel incomplete.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

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Think "When are we ever going to use this in our life?" while sitting bored in school.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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Hearing someone singing a song and stopping midway, so you need to finish it.

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put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Every time I see my self in a mirror, I feel like I'm watching someone in a different dimension and make quick movements to see if they mess up.

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I walk down the stairs sideways because I'm afraid something will get me.

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Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.