When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I always cry when I pray.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I can only play a piano with my right hand

thumb_up thumb_down -31

after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When I'm sleeping, I turn and my bed shakes, and I wake up thinking it's an earthquake.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

thumb_up thumb_down -59

I tell inanimate objects what to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

thumb_up thumb_down +30

When taking a pee instead of standing in front of the toilet stand in the side so if someone walks in they wont see your penis

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Seperate your food on you dinner plate

thumb_up thumb_down -50

When looking for something you need, just walk in circles around the house until it appears.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Liking the smell of your fart and Poo and denying it to people.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I have walked into a sliding glass door

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.