Abuse your pet when nobody's looking

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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Think about the things you could do if you had the power to stop the time.

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Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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Playing with your phone or remote throwinng it up and down until it hits your face

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ask my dog questions then realize, she can't talk...

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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Think of a song, tv show, or movie for a brief moment. Hear/see it the next day.

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When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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Sometimes when I look at something up close, I alternate closing each eye and looking at the object from the other eye, then switch again. I do it really fast to make it look like that thing is moving. It's really entertaining.

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I light my pubes on fire instead of shaving them because they aren't as itchy that way.

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when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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When I watch porn,I sometimes pause the video and start looking something random. e.g. an unrelated article on Wikipedia.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.