Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Think about Facebook chats when your offline!? P.S Am I the only one, REALLY!

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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Get a mini heart attack when your rocking on your chair and you nearly fall off

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.