If I see a shriveled, dried leaf while walking along the sidewalk I am compelled to step on it and make it crunch.

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whale sperm

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I feel no shame that I am a camgirl online and bring in about $2800 a month just to flash guys my boobs. :)

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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I hit the frig after sex

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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1.Open the fridge...nothing to eat :/ 2.Open the cabinet...nothing to eat :/ 3.Lower expectations..and then repeat :)

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Realising that there are ASSHOLES posting dumb shit on this site.

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*Sees bug on wall while taking shower* *Splashes with shower water* *Bug slides down wall* >_

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hate Justin Bieber

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Only use the left earphone.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Think the "D" in the Disney logo was actually a "G", and realized that thought process at an age to embarassing to divulge to complete strangers on the internet.

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When I turn the volume up or Down it has to be a number with 0 or 5 in

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Smiling like an Idiot when you get a cute text

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.