see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

The last meal I have before I get on a plane - I think about how it is food in one city and will be crapped out in another.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Picking your dogs booger for him/her

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When I am walking at night, I see a slight shadow behind me for a second, I walk faster, I see the shadow again, I think it is some kind of scary monster and then I decide to run for my life. When I get back home, I realize the shadow is my shadow.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Saying "ouch!" when someone throws something and it hits an inanimate object.. -Sarah

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

When I'm laying in bed, I make sure that my feet are covered and not hanging off the edge so that monsters don't eat them in my sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +194

Sometimes when I look at something up close, I alternate closing each eye and looking at the object from the other eye, then switch again. I do it really fast to make it look like that thing is moving. It's really entertaining.

thumb_up thumb_down +287

When at a friend's or another person's house, I pee while standing up. But at home, I always sit down when i pee.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I walk down the stairs sideways because I'm afraid something will get me.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

When on long car rides through the mountains of Cali, look at a fence and pretend its a roller coaster and talk like im on it with a friend. And when the fence ends,name and rate it like it was real -Nirp

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Look at my poop before flushing

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.