I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Having to step on snails to hear the crunch

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When i'm home alone with the dog i have a conversation with the dog, sometimes in my head & sometimes out loud, in the voice that i think the dog would have if it could speak. Then sometimes i realise that i haven't checked if anybody else is home !

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wonder if the strange thing you're doing right now will pop up on this website

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saying long strings of unconnected words in your head and wondering if you just said something that noone else ever has

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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eat chicken, lamb anything with bones with a knife and fork while avoiding using your hands because it makes them dirty

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i always wipe the ketchup off my face with the bread of my sandwich

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Whenever I'm home alone, I listen to songs from my culture like Ella Ella, Taboo, or Sexy Robotica by Don Omar or other fun dancing songs, super loud and dance crazy and sing along as loud as I can. Any one else?

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Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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The last meal I have before I get on a plane - I think about how it is food in one city and will be crapped out in another.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.