When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

Breathe.

I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

suck my own penis

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

penis

Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

Post on this website, then give yourself the first thumbs up to kick-start your success.

I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

When you get out of the shower and you're too lazy to get dressed, so you just hang around in a towel.

Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

Look an ugly person up and down and try to think of ways that they can improve how they look. ( clothing, hair, and makeup)

When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.