pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

make south park refferences every day

look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

I pretend I'm a musical when I'm alone and sing about all the stuff I'm doing.

Get that shiver when you're peeing.

I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

When listening to music I imagine myself and people in a movie scene that fits the music.

Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

I make a joke and laugh a little but if someone else laughs then i laugh louder

I try to fill the surface of the toilet water with bubbles when I pee.

Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

when im lying in bed in summer and im hot i just turn my sheets on the other side so its cool again

Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.