I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

Lay down in bed and get comfortable and then realize you have to pee.

get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

in my mind, traffic cones are called VLC.

I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

If I read that someone said something a certain way in a book I try to mimic their voice.

Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

penis

Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

I lie in bed and when I get bored I try to convince myself that I'm lying at the other end

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.