Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Sometimes when I watch live TV, I mute the TV when I get embarrassed at what is happening on screen to other people.

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It is really difficult for me to lose control of myself

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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I've had a problem all my life with people thinking I'm a boy, (I'm a girl) so when I first meet someone, my instinct is to find some reason, (however stupid) to say that I'm a girl, (EX: "Can you believe that people actually think I'm a boy?" like when I just meet them).

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I praise the honesty of you all! :) I think confessing here is kind of fun...am I alone?

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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start planning Halloween costumes on November first.

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

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Look at a friend and realize that you have forgotten their name...

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Make pictures on the bathtub wall using the clump of hair from the shower drain.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.