pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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make south park refferences every day

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

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Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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I pretend I'm a musical when I'm alone and sing about all the stuff I'm doing.

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Get that shiver when you're peeing.

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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When listening to music I imagine myself and people in a movie scene that fits the music.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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I make a joke and laugh a little but if someone else laughs then i laugh louder

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I try to fill the surface of the toilet water with bubbles when I pee.

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Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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when im lying in bed in summer and im hot i just turn my sheets on the other side so its cool again

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Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.