Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Putting salt on dry toast, yum!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -130

smoke marijuana

thumb_up thumb_down -62

get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Ask someone "what" when they tell you something even though you heard them clearly

thumb_up thumb_down +37

get home from work and masturbate instantly

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I hit the frig after sex

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Sometimes when I'm sitting next to someone I start thinking stuff about him/her, making fun of their clothes in my mind or something. Then I have a feeling that maybe that person can read thoughts and immediately start thinking about something else, and avoid eye contact until one of use leaves

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When I'm getting shouted out i blur my eyes and think of something else :3

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.