I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

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singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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Lay down in bed and get comfortable and then realize you have to pee.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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in my mind, traffic cones are called VLC.

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I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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If I read that someone said something a certain way in a book I try to mimic their voice.

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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penis

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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I lie in bed and when I get bored I try to convince myself that I'm lying at the other end

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.