When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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When does eating pop corn, take apart the bag and lick all the extra butter.

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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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I eat ice creams from the bottom of the cone to the top.

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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when baking cookies I eat waaayyy too much of the dough, to the point that I don't even want any of the cookies when I am finished baking them.

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Wondering who would cry at your funeral

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fart

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I scratch and sniff.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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whenever you walk into the bathroom with your phone/laptop/electronic device you stay sitting on the toilet even though you are done because you are so engaged with whatever you are doing

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Clench your butt super hard to slowly let out a fart thinking no one will know.

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In case you have the ears pierced, take out the piece, and smell it, even if it smells so bad, you like the how it smells... lol

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Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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I always think I have special powers

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Close you closet door whenever you are about to go to bed.

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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Poking your eye to see the black circle at the corner of your eye

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.