I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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being super bored at shool

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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Mayada stupid

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.