I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

only read the short jokes on this website

While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

Picking my nose.

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.