everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.