expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Picking my nose.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.