when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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I have a phobia of incest

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.