Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.