I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.