thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.