When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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fap

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.