fap

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im going to rape that girl

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grab my cats tongue when he is licking my hand

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When in a public bathroom, flush the toilet right before your shit falls into the water, so no one will hear.

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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When I am driving, I hate everyone else who is driving.

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Whenever I slurp from a straw I do it a little bit at a time, slowly and steadily so people don't turn at me and give me an annoyed face.

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I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

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Any time I shop for used clothes, I always have to ask, “Did anybody die in this?” –Ikka

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I type things i really want to say to people and then delete them straight away because im too chicken to say it.

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Say a word I just learned over and over again until it loses meaning.

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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Yelling my cats name in my mind to see if i can get him to look at me using the power of my mind

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I have to fart real bad but people are around me , so I try to silent fart

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Get exstremly sad or depressed whenever you think about something you did that was embarrassing or something you regret infront of someone when that person probably doesn't even remember it....

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I lock the bathroom door even when I'm home alone.

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

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whenever I lost a tooth my parents would while I slept they would sprinkle caster sugar on the window sill and make footprints in it (tiny footprints)

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avoid using ketchup and mayo since they make everything taste like um... ketchup and mayo... which is kind of boring

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Seperate your food on you dinner plate

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.