When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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when im in a public toilet and my freinds outside i make loud converstation with them so they cant hear me pee.

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That microscopic flying things that follows my eyes' motion, especially when i look up in the sky.

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"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

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always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

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I don't like to sit with my back to the door incase someone or something sneeks up behind me, it's even worse with headphones on.

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When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

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I turn on the faucet or turn up the radio in the bathroom so maybe no one can hear me pee.

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When taking a shower, and standing in the opposite direction where the water is coming fromY

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Lick my cell phone screen to clean it.

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When I'm trying to sleep if both my legs are under the duvet it's too warm. Both legs out it's too cold. When I have one leg out and on the duvet it's just right. I sometimes also put my leg against the wall when it's cold.

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When I'm watching a youtube video, I worry about how much time is left because I'm concerned the video maker won't wrap it up in time before the video ends.

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Always think "what if ghosts really ARE everywhere?" when I'm naked in the shower, or getting dressed, or any other private and/or embarrassing moment. Then get really freaked out and picture 6 people from 1902 watching you.

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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I look at my phone screen when i'm in an uncomfortable situation, and five minutes later i have to look again cause somebody asks what time it is.

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When I'm home alone, turning the TV on so it's not so quiet

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sniff my armpit when somebody says someone stinks and shouts NOT ME lol

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You keep going through pages of "Things You Think Only You Do" clicking the button until you realize that your on like page 50.

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cringe when I squeeze a cotton ball, ugh

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I poke myself in the eye with a needle every Thursday.

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When taking a pee instead of standing in front of the toilet stand in the side so if someone walks in they wont see your penis

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.