When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"

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Take a side of bacon and jack off watching Babe.

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I don't like to sit with my back to the door incase someone or something sneeks up behind me, it's even worse with headphones on.

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Liking the smell of your fart and Poo and denying it to people.

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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When taking a shower, and standing in the opposite direction where the water is coming fromY

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When i'm eating small, colored foods like skittles or gummies, i have to have one on each side of my mouth so one side doesn't feel happier than the other and they have to be different colors.

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When I'm home alone, turning the TV on so it's not so quiet

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sniff my armpit when somebody says someone stinks and shouts NOT ME lol

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Change my name on Siri on iPhone to something hillarius and make it say my name

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"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

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That microscopic flying things that follows my eyes' motion, especially when i look up in the sky.

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I poke myself in the eye with a needle every Thursday.

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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I look at my phone screen when i'm in an uncomfortable situation, and five minutes later i have to look again cause somebody asks what time it is.

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calling someone and it rings so long you forget who your calling and when they answer you have to look at your caller i.d to remember.

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You keep going through pages of "Things You Think Only You Do" clicking the button until you realize that your on like page 50.

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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I make a joke and laugh a little but if someone else laughs then i laugh louder

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When I'm watching a youtube video, I worry about how much time is left because I'm concerned the video maker won't wrap it up in time before the video ends.

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Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

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I like to create stories and adventures in my head to make reality a little less boring...

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Lick my cell phone screen to clean it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.