Lick my cell phone screen to clean it.

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calling someone and it rings so long you forget who your calling and when they answer you have to look at your caller i.d to remember.

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Take a side of bacon and jack off watching Babe.

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"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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when im in a public toilet and my freinds outside i make loud converstation with them so they cant hear me pee.

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I make a joke and laugh a little but if someone else laughs then i laugh louder

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always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

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I turn on the faucet or turn up the radio in the bathroom so maybe no one can hear me pee.

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At home stay on the toilet a few minutes after you finish your business

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When taking a shower, and standing in the opposite direction where the water is coming fromY

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Always think "what if ghosts really ARE everywhere?" when I'm naked in the shower, or getting dressed, or any other private and/or embarrassing moment. Then get really freaked out and picture 6 people from 1902 watching you.

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You keep going through pages of "Things You Think Only You Do" clicking the button until you realize that your on like page 50.

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I poke myself in the eye with a needle every Thursday.

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When I'm trying to sleep if both my legs are under the duvet it's too warm. Both legs out it's too cold. When I have one leg out and on the duvet it's just right. I sometimes also put my leg against the wall when it's cold.

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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sniff my armpit when somebody says someone stinks and shouts NOT ME lol

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On the train, try and mathematically make (add,subtract,multiply,divide etc.) the carriage number to get to ten

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Hate Skydoesminecraft.

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Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

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I look at my phone screen when i'm in an uncomfortable situation, and five minutes later i have to look again cause somebody asks what time it is.

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cringe when I squeeze a cotton ball, ugh

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.