find a nice photograph of food from the web and post it on fb just to watch my retard friends make a big deal out of it.

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.

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When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"

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wonder how old the people r who right these. im 12

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Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

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I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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shag your mom

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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Seeing a cartoon character eat something makes me hungry for it even though it may not taste good in real life and I know that.

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Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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When I'm trying to sleep if both my legs are under the duvet it's too warm. Both legs out it's too cold. When I have one leg out and on the duvet it's just right. I sometimes also put my leg against the wall when it's cold.

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I can see a magic eye image

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You keep going through pages of "Things You Think Only You Do" clicking the button until you realize that your on like page 50.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.