Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.

Own all of you hard! Moral: EXPLOSION NOISE!

get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

wonder how old the people r who right these. im 12

Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"

Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

shag your mom

Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

Seeing a cartoon character eat something makes me hungry for it even though it may not taste good in real life and I know that.

Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

When I'm trying to sleep if both my legs are under the duvet it's too warm. Both legs out it's too cold. When I have one leg out and on the duvet it's just right. I sometimes also put my leg against the wall when it's cold.

I can see a magic eye image

You keep going through pages of "Things You Think Only You Do" clicking the button until you realize that your on like page 50.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.