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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.
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-52
I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.
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-54
use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.
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-7
Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak
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-27
After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.
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-39
Own all of you hard! Moral: EXPLOSION NOISE!
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-71
get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky
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-139
wonder how old the people r who right these. im 12
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+28
Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.
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+16
When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)
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-6
When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"
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-42
Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.
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-48
shag your mom
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-76
Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.
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+61
go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up
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+33
I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.
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+7
avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big
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-59
being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.
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-117
Seeing a cartoon character eat something makes me hungry for it even though it may not taste good in real life and I know that.
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+18
Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing
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-6
Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.
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-27
When I'm trying to sleep if both my legs are under the duvet it's too warm. Both legs out it's too cold. When I have one leg out and on the duvet it's just right. I sometimes also put my leg against the wall when it's cold.
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-57
I can see a magic eye image
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-18
You keep going through pages of "Things You Think Only You Do" clicking the button until you realize that your on like page 50.
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-20
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Things You Think Only You Do
A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.