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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

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I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

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pleasure my self... because I didn't they automatically censored certain words

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I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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Having an OCD moment when the number of questions on a test is not a multiple of 5. I mean, who puts 47 questions on a test?! Or 53? English and Math teachers rarely do this but it's always the Histoy ones...

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Instead of having a nasty breaking up, I just disappear.

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I put salt on buttered toast...

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use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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Saying or doing something stupid, then later replaying it in your head and wanting to punch yourself in the face for it, then coming up with different ideas on how you could have been less stupid. -B

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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When I eat M&Ms, Skittles or Froot Loops, I always make sure to leave one of every color for the end so I could eat them all at once. #rainbowinmymouth

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.