I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

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Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

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When I'm crying i look in the mirror to see what i look like while I'm crying

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When I hear the doorbell ringing and I'm not expecting anyone, I turn off the tv/music and try not to make any sound, so they think there's no one home.

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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cut corners when walking not because it's faster, but because it's more efficient

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Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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Listening to music---You HAVE to grind you teeth along with the song.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.