Create my response for the whole conversation before even having it

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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Go outside and pee.

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Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

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When I watch porn,I sometimes pause the video and start looking something random. e.g. an unrelated article on Wikipedia.

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Think about awesome stuff that you could do (e.g beating up someone who steals your gf's purse or something) when listening to music

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

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Get annoyed when you are making a new account and it sends you bafk because of credit card or email address

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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Walking with your friend talking about everything then you and your friend walk by someone you don't know and it gets awkwardly quiet

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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I am wearing ear buds even though I'm not actually listening to anything.

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cut corners when walking not because it's faster, but because it's more efficient

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apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

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wonder if anyone's watching you and try to seem like a decent person

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hate it when the bottom of you foot is itchy because it feels wrong to scratch it.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.