wonder if anyone's watching you and try to seem like a decent person

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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getting a random wedgie when everybody is looking at me

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cut corners when walking not because it's faster, but because it's more efficient

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Write things on this site, because i cant sleep

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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pleasure my self... because I didn't they automatically censored certain words

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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When I watch porn,I sometimes pause the video and start looking something random. e.g. an unrelated article on Wikipedia.

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When I eat M&Ms, Skittles or Froot Loops, I always make sure to leave one of every color for the end so I could eat them all at once. #rainbowinmymouth

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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Love an outfit on others/mannequin, but hate it on me!

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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When talking to someone you sometimes start with the middle of a story through the end, complete with random details that seem totally unrelated to them, and THEN you remember to tell the beginning (which is the part that actually relates to what they were talking about).

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When in long car rides I imagine a little man running or on roller skates next to the car. When A car comes he turns into a ninja and can slide under/jump over or cut the car in half.

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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Fart when i'm alone RIGHT before someone walks in... try to talk over the smell...

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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I repeat (in my mind) the person's name that I want to dream about when I go to sleep

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I always open up another tab on my browser, just in case I accidentally exit, so my computer can warn me that I will close 2 tabs.

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.