Think that everything has feelings for example, a cushion or a tree

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pleasure my self... because I didn't they automatically censored certain words

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use any nearby window's reflection you walk by to check on appearance.

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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When talking to someone you sometimes start with the middle of a story through the end, complete with random details that seem totally unrelated to them, and THEN you remember to tell the beginning (which is the part that actually relates to what they were talking about).

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When I eat M&Ms, Skittles or Froot Loops, I always make sure to leave one of every color for the end so I could eat them all at once. #rainbowinmymouth

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Think about awesome stuff that you could do (e.g beating up someone who steals your gf's purse or something) when listening to music

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apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

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I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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Create my response for the whole conversation before even having it

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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Get annoyed when you are making a new account and it sends you bafk because of credit card or email address

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When I watch porn,I sometimes pause the video and start looking something random. e.g. an unrelated article on Wikipedia.

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Go outside and pee.

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when going to get a drink, i accidently pull out a bowl, or plate, later realizing what i did, i put it back, and get a cup

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.