Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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Skip peeing before bed because you dont feel like it, knowing that in about 15 minutes youre going to have to get back up because you wont be able to fall asleep until you go pee.

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Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

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Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

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"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

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FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAPFAP FAP ::TROLLFACE::

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

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Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

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Listening to music---You HAVE to grind you teeth along with the song.

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When I hear the doorbell ringing and I'm not expecting anyone, I turn off the tv/music and try not to make any sound, so they think there's no one home.

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.