I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

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Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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When im in a public toilet, i try not to make any sounds when taking a crap, not even a fart, so that when i come out no one will think i was taking a crap.

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Tap different rythyms with my fingers and keep doing it over and over until the rythym ends on the last finger

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled.

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I never turn in a complete circle. If I did, I would have to turn around in the other direction to "erase" the first circle

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Popping your finger in your bellybutton, and then smelling it. You secretly like the cheesy smell.

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Eat pizza backwards because the crust isn't as good as the cheese part and I want to get that over with.

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Change the channel during commercials when you have the remote, when you don't you go insane and say "TURN IT BACK WE'LL MISS THE START!!!"

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When I pee if there is already some toilet paper there I try to sink it with my pee.

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I set my alarm clock early just so I can get up snooze it.... One, two, three, maybe even four times.

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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Pretend I'm much more popular than I am with people who don't know my social life.

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become increasingly panicked when its dark and you cant find the door handle.

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Wonder if someone is ever doing the exact same thing you are at the moment.

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pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud.

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Try to put in USB drive into computer, and no matter what, always ends up trying to put it in upside-down the first time.

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Open the fridge every 15 minutes, to see if there is anything new to eat.

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watch old shows I used to watch when I was younger

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KICK THE CAN

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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no magazine on toilet? read shampoo bottle

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.