Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

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misread dig bick

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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find a nice photograph of food from the web and post it on fb just to watch my retard friends make a big deal out of it.

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Hum up and down in pitch because it makes LED displays dance around.

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

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Whenever I slurp from a straw I do it a little bit at a time, slowly and steadily so people don't turn at me and give me an annoyed face.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.