Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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Pretend that i don't care about my birthday when i actually can't wait to see what present people will get me and get terribly excited everytime someone text me

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Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

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only turning the TV volume to numbers ending in 5

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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I brush my teeth while im in the shower

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Listen to the same songs for years on end without ever knowing the lyrics because they've been the soundtracks for your daydreams.

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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waking up from an amazing/awesome dream and spend the rest of the day thinking up of new senarios to come after...

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Imagine the perfect video game and wonder why nobody made it yet.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.