Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

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must have the tv volume set to an even number or feel weird

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While making yourself something to eat that takes more than 5 minuets to make. Pretending that you have your own show on a cooking station and talk like your talking to the audience the whole time.

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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I avoid closing my eyes in the shower in case ghosts/monsters/zombies get me.

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

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I don't read the terms of service.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

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Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

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I can't brush my teeth and rinse in the sink right after I flush the toilet, for fear of it being connected somehow, and rinsing with my own piss.

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.