When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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While I am busy working I like to have music playing and while I type I type to the song and its beat

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jack off

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Daydream about doing unspeakable things(killing, raping, beating, cutting, shooting, ect.) to the person you hate

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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Rubbing your scalp and watching your dandruff fall like snowflakes

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I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

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When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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smoke marijuana

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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close the fridge door really slowly just so you can see the light turn off

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Check the time on my cell phone, put it back in my pocket. Dammit, didn't see the time. Check it again.

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I sometimes feel someone is watching me and speak towards it in a calming tone, only to again speak to myself telling myself im just being silly... only to turn my head and look behind me just in case.

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Thinking about what other poeple are doing right now... Like someone solving world hunger and your sitting there playing games and having fun with friends that are nice and healthy.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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Hate when you finish a cup of pudding or something like that and you don’t want to get up to put the spoon in the sink so you just leave it sitting in the cup but the spoon is too tall for the cup and it falls over.

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When I'm walking on the sidewalks, I make a game of how to walk on the pavement squares so I don't step on a line.

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i just sit there thinking, how is it not butter?

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R A P E Children

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.