Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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Write things on this site, because i cant sleep

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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when someone is playing a song which i really like but don't know the name of it i either try to guess the name by the lyrics or i try to read the name from their iPod without them noticing and then immediately make a note on my mobile and saving it.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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Instead of using the twist ties on bread, I spin the bag of bread and then tuck the flap underneath.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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When you get lost while driving, the first thing you do is turn down the radio.

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Look at a word long enough to not seem like a word anymore, then sounding weird.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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when i get pissed off at someone i go to an empty room and then imagine killing them

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.